Thursday, December 9, 2010

Little Drummer Boy

Please pause my playlist before watching...

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God!"(Matther 5:8)

This by far is my favorite Christmas show. There was something about it, even though I wasn't raised in church, that made sense to my little girl heart. It made sense that hate was wrong and that love was the answer. Despite the fact that God was seldomed mentioned growing up I came to believe that it was true. He was more real than anything else and I needed him. I needed God because he was the only thing that did make sense.

Somewhere in the midst of growing up and doing everything in my power to hurt myself I cried out for him and he came running. Although he had been there all along.

I would love to say that was the moment I stopped fighting, stopped running, but of course happy endings arent always like they are in the movies. I,like the little drummer boy, had more pain than I knew what to do with and I was far from being willing to allow God to heal me. I was still seeking for something elsewhere, someone who could take away the hurt, something that would make me forget me.

Yet still he stayed steady by my side, looking more beautiful than ever. Offering more love than I had ever known and willing to take the punishment I had been inflicting on myself. He refused to give up. He loved me despite all I had done. He stayed true when I strayed. He gave all of himself out of the simple desperation of pure love. He came and healed my heart and I hold on to the love I felt the first time he took hold of me. I have too because nothing else makes sense.

So in spite of the fact that most days I make a mess of things I still continue to see evidence of him everywhere. I still believe, with that little girl heart, that hate is wrong and love is the answer. I still beleive in that tiny babe in the manger who is able to heal the hearts of the hurting and bring the dead back to life. Maybe that's foolish or maybe that simple faith was the only reason Im still alive.

My life testifies to the fact..."That blessed(happy) are the pure(not perfect) of heart for they shall see(taste, feel, and know) God."

Its not what you bring him, but the heart with which you bring it.

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